I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
