In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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