Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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