You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
