i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
