I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
BRING THE BAGELS
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