I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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