she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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