Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
