I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
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Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
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when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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