if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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