Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
