i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
