You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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