Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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