Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize