Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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