Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
