he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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