when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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