eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
