So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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