Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
