its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
