Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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