saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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