Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
