maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize