I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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