She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
