I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
