I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
worst night to have a conscience
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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