If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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