someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
