Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The ass gains better be worth it
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