I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
