No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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