There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
