blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
