sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
