My liver just broke up with me...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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