Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
