well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize