He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
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I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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