Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
