hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
