Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
