omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
