WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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