Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
