so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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