I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
