My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
