After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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