So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
