somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
