she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
