Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
