I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So much rum. So many feels.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
