my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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