can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
