You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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