oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
